Sheep thrills and the tele-osculation device

The Gypsy Songstress and I have a little  running joke about sheep. They're so cute -- they serve as a symbol of our cuddly relationship. When I go on a business trip without her, my wife will hide a stuffed sheep in my luggage to remind me of her. 

The last time we sang "Embraceable Ewe" in a performance, my loved one brought out a little stuffed sheep during my solo part. Silly. When I get email from this delightfully playful woman, she will sometimes sign off with "Love, Ewe". She is my cuddly ewe.

Those of you who have Google mail will know that Google quite thoughtfully provides you with context sensitive ads. That's a polite way of saying that it enhances its ad revenue by displaying ads that are likely to have a higher click-through ratio. It does so by skimming through your emails for keywords that suggest you could have an interest in a certain product.

[Let me point out... The folks at Google are not reading your emails. There is no fellow in the email room at the Google office sniggering over your repeated mispelling of the word "mispelling". Or being titillated by your description of making a peanut butter sandwich. It's all done by a sniggering computer.]

So naturally, when I email my buddy that I just bought a 2 terabyte drive from Tiger Direct, gmail will show me an ad for the 2 terabyte drive that I just bought from Tiger Direct, knowing full well that I will click on the ad to buy another one for my buddy. Gmail knows that I am just that kind of guy.

But Google doesn't always get it right. Somehow it always misses the comma in the last phrase of the email from my wife: "love, ewe". It is intended to mean, of course, "I love you, and I am your cuddly female sheep". Google regularly places an ad for the Love Ewe on my gmail page. "We fully intend that the Love Ewe be used solely as a gag gift or home adornment." Such cute eyes.

Somehow, a little Gershwin tune keeps going through my head: "Embrace me, you sweet inflatable ewe..."

Let me point out... this has nothing to do with inflatable guitars. And nothing at all to do with a recent post on my other blog. Inflatable stuff is just not on my brain, ok?  This is not an obsession of mine. Really. I don't spend all day playing one of the inflatable guitars from my large collection. Or my inflatable saxophones. The inflatable maracas are kinda cool. And I don't even own an inflatable love sheep. At least not yet.

SO... today's topic is "How to use technology to keep the fires burning when you are on a business trip". You can sneak a stuffed lamb into your loved one's luggage to remind him of your undying love. You can (as I have often done) pick up a little stuffed sheep as a gift to remind her that the undying love is reciprocated. You can of course, make economical use of the limited space in a suitcase and pack a Love Ewe. And of course, in the interim, email is a good way to let the other know you are thinking of them.

Technology is so cool when it comes to helping requite long distance love.

Skype is of course another great way to keep in contact. Skype was indispensable on my recent trips to Berlin and Liverpool where my cell phone didn't work. (Us applied mathematician karaoke DJs really do get around!)

Skype also improves on the cell phone experience by adding video. Now, I have not tried one particular thing on Skype video, but I understand from a friend who knew someone who had this cousin... that video Skyping can be used in much the same way that the Love Ewe has not been recommended to be used. I do not endorse this activity, since it is probably regulated by the FCC. In much the same way that the FCC prevents the internet from sharing certain types of images that would have made your grandmother blush.

And that brings me around to the news item that got me going on this topic: the invention of a tele-osculating device. As you can see by the picture below, this very romantic device will allow you to share that ultimate intimacy, a kiss, with your loved one over the internet.

I'll take a set of those, and one of them there blow up sheep. I have another trip to Berlin planned for this fall.