This is your brain on karaoke

Here is another great news story that you may have missed. At least if you are not part of the "in" crowd for karaoke brain research.

Researchers asked subject to sing karaoke while being recorded. The researchers then had them watch the films and hear themselves sing. Meanwhile, the researchers monitored the subjects for signs of embarrassment.
The more damage participants had in the area of the front part of the brain called the pregenual anterior cingulate cortex, the less mortified they were about their singing.

Interesting. People get embarrassed when they sing karaoke? Never happened to me!

A week earlier, I had stumbled upon another article about the anterior cingulate cortex. I understand Time magazine will be doing a feature story on the ACC, since it is rapidly becoming the most popular brain structure.

This other article summarized a research paper where they quizzed a group of volunteers concerning their political leanings, and then did a little brain imaging. Here is where they talk about our favorite part of the brain:

Liberals are linked to larger anterior cingulate cortexes, a region that "monitor(s) uncertainty and conflicts," it said.

"Thus, it is conceivable that individuals with a larger ACC have a higher capacity to tolerate uncertainty and conflicts, allowing them to accept more liberal views."

I am trying to put this all together now... People with damage to the ACC aren't embarrassed by singing karaoke... People with a smaller ACC tend to be more conservative... Ummm... Here is my conclusion -

Avoid inviting Republicans who are poor singers to your next karaoke party.

 

 

Crack down on illegal karaoke houses

This news story caught my attention. It's got is all: karaoke, parlor rooms with scantily clad women, illegal immigrants, $300 bottles of booze. I'm just sad to have missed visiting this place in Alexandria, a suburb of DC.

Was that a typo? Maybe I'm glad to have missed it...  I quote from localkicks:

According to court documents, “High Society” (also known as “Tomato” and “Tomato Garden”) was a Korean karaoke bar/club that advertised as a “room salon,” a club containing private rooms where customers, primarily Korean men, consumed liquor.  Provocatively dressed Korean female hostesses would serve the drinks to and then drink, flirt, sing, and dance with the customers.  A bottle of liquor at High Society/Tomato typically would cost $300 and customers were required to purchase at least one bottle.

I dunno. The $300 minimum is not giving me such a warm fuzzy.

The owners were given light sentences but heavy fines for providing an illegal immigration service for the scantily clad Korean hostesses. They have had to forfeit $4 million in profits they have raked in over the past 4 years.

National Karaoke Week

OMG!  This one almost slipped through my fingers!

Today is the first day of one of one of the most important holidays in my universe. No, I'm not talking about Passover. That started yesterday.

I am talking about National Karaoke Week, April 20 - 26th, 2011. This national holiday is always the fourth week of April. I encourage everyone to go out and support your favorite karaoke joint.  Here are some websites with more information:

http://www.nationalkaraokeweek.com/
http://www.holidayinsights.com/moreholidays/april.htm
http://www.zanyholidays.com/2008/04/national-karaoke-week.html


I also encourage you to give generously to DontStopBelieving.org. This organization has the charter to find a cure for one of the most devastating karaoke addictions in our modern times. People all over the globe are afflicted with an insatiable desire to sing Don't Stop Believin'. They miss work to go sing. They alienate friends and forsake loved ones. If you or someone you know has this debilitating addiction, please direct them to DontStopBelieving.org where they can find the help and support that they so desperately need.

Karaoke in Berlin, part 2

While I was in Berlin, I heard about another karaoke venue that is not to be missed. Did I mention that I missed it? It seems there is a guy who started bringing karaoke gear on his bike to the amphitheater located at Mauer Park. Every Sunday, he shows up at the park and runs the Sunday Bearpit Karaoke Show. The attendance is over 1,000!

 

Here is another link where you can read about the Sunday Bearpit:

http://www.monstersandcritics.com/lifestyle/life/features/article_1632863.php/The-Sunday-Bearpit-Berlin-s-open-air-Karaoke-show

Next time I am Berlin, I will make sure this is on my tour.

Karaoke in Berlin, part 1

I spent this last week in Berlin. Friday night I finally got a chance to feed my karaoke addiction. I visited The Green Mango with Hiroyuki-san. Naturally, if you are in Germany, you need to go there with a Japanese fellow.
The place was hopping. We were lucky to catch the place on a night where there was a bachelorette party. I dunno. Maybe there is some mixture of luck. There were a lot of lovely young ladies, but there was also a male stripper. Maybe it's just me, but I don't normally expect to see guy wearing only a hand towel on stage at a karaoke bar. Must be my strict upbringing!

The song collection is excellent. They claim to have over 150,000 songs. I'm not sure, I didn't count. The books were well put together, with all the pages in plastic cover sheets. I know from personal experience that this is a big pain and expense even for a "tiny" little library of 10,000 songs.

As for the singing... I was quite impressed with several of the singers. In particular, there was a fellow who did two Michael Jackson songs complete with the moves. Excellent. There were at least two others who were great singers.

It seemed to me that most of the songs were German pop songs which I was not familiar with. There were a number of songs that are popular karaoke songs in the US, like "Girls Just Want to Have Fun", and "You Raise Me Up". I was happy to see that one of my favorite numbers, "You're Just Too Good to be True", was well received.

Will I go back there?  Yes... next September!

Julie Newmar

Ok, so I know that Julie Newmar has nothing to do with karaoke, or even with singing. But... I found out something interesting about her, and I just have to share it with somebody!

Julie Newmar is of course known for her portrayal of Cat Woman on the Batman TV show. When I hear her name, that's what I remember. I was only eight years old when the Batman TV series came on, but somehow that face and that tight bodysuit made an impression on my pre-pubescent mind.

Another image of Julie Newmar was firmly lodged in my post-pubescent mind. This image was from People magazine in 1977. At that time, I was old enough to understand the word "sexy" as something other than an abstract concept.

Actually, I don't remember reading the article. In fact, I didn't associate her name with this image until I found it on her official website.

Have I gotten your attention? Ok. Now for the learning part. Julie Newmar was awarded three patents. Really. Notice the heading on the top of the page? Having trouble finding it?  First look at her amazingly voluptuous tush. Then move your eyes slightly to the right and then up near the top of the image.

I am guessing most of the guys missed the word "INVENTORS". Probably because it's outlined text. But, I'm getting to a point here about her amazingly voluptuous tush. Why is her tush so amazingly voluptuous, you may ask? It has to do with two of Newmar's patents.

US Patents 3,914,799 and 4,003,094 are for "Pantyhose with shaping band for cheeky derrier relief". The patent issues the problem that "Usually the more flattening of the wearer's lower abdomen (tummy) that is achieved, the more tendency there is to flatten and denaturalize the wearer's derriere". Flat tummy, flat butt. Women who wear pantyhose generally want the tummy flat, but not the derriere.

The secret of this invention lies in "an elastic shaping band 21 (substantially more elastic than the fabric from which the panty portion 11 of the pantyhose is made and typically of the same material as a conventional waist band) is connected to the rear panty portion 17 and extends from the vicinity of the crotch zone 16 to the vicinity 22 of the elastic waist encircling band 13." (Please refer to the image from the patent for the numbers.

Newmar's other patent (US 3,935,865) is for a brassiere. The purpose of this patent is thus: "Many women want to appear freer in their movements and to give a braless impression, yet they need some support."

She developed a line of pantyhose based on this patent, under the name "Nudemar". I found one reference online that said this line was popular in the 70's and 80's. No doubt the picture in People boosted the sales along with many a tush.

We also learn from this patent that "Breasts of young women tend to be protuberant whereas breasts of older women tend to be pendulous. Protuberant breasts are supported by fibrous tissue strands known as ligaments of Astley Cooper." This brassiere patent also teaches that Howard Hughes developed bras.

As I was relating this information to my wife, a third Julie Newmar memory surfaced in my addled brain. This memory is, oddly enough, also related to patents.

The US Patent and Trademark Office has a page where one can search for patents by looking for inventors, keywords, or the like. Search queries are facilitated through the use of a simple language. To look for my patents, for example, you might type in something like "in/john and in/seymour and is/wi". This means that the IN (inventor name) field of the patent must contain the words "John" and "Seymour", and that the IS (inventor state) must be WI.

Naturally, they need to provide some examples for how to construct queries. One of their examples is "in/newmar-julie". When I first saw this, I just thought it was a cute joke that someone threw in. Little did I know, since I never actually tried typing this example in.

Incidentally, if you key in their example, you will only bring up two of Newmar's patents. The first of her patents is too old to show up in their online database. No patents before 1976 are at this site.

If you will excuse me, I am going to see if I can find some old episodes of Batman.

karaoke in Ann Arbor

I have just read an article about a karaoke DJ in Ann Arbor Michigan. There is evidently not much different between Milwaukee and Ann Arbor. Here are some quotes from Mark Carlson that I stole from the article.

"If a guy comes up and puts in for a Billy Joel song, he's a karaoke ringer and an unimaginative one."

Hmmm... I'm not sure about this one, Mark. Piano Man is not one of my favorites. It is repetitious with numerous verses that all sound alike and they keep coming repetitiously in a way that seems to repeat again and again before lapsing into yet another repeat of the same melody on the next verse, although you can switch octaves from one verse to another, they kind of all sound the same the way they go over the same notes and chords and kinda the same lyrics, but not the exactly the same although...

But I repeat myself. For five minutes and 46 seconds.

I did hear one great version of it, though. It was sung by three guys who kept the energy going by alternating lines. I was one of the three guys, by the way. I am sure it sounded great from the audience, too.


"If there are more than three people on stage, the performance is going to be awful."

Mark, I think this is almost always true. Except for this one time where three guys got up to sing Piano Man. They were totally awesome. Did I mention that I was one of them?

"I hate taking bribes, even though I could use the money!"

Another of my pet peeves. Like when a guy rushes up to the stage to hand me a slip for Piano Man. There are 417 people ahead of him. He says, "Hey, can I sing next?" I tell him there are 417 people ahead of him. He slaps down two wadded up one dollar bills and says, "My girlfriend wants to hear me sing. She it H-O-T-T hot, and I am gonna get lucky if I sing this for her!" He winks, and I consider this. Is it worth two bucks? I'll piss off 417 people whose idea of fair does not include someone skipping to the front of the line. If Jim Morrison and Janis Joplin came back from the dead, along with Jimmy Hendrix on guitar, they would want him at #418.


"If somebody comes up and says they're going to be great, that's a guarantee they're going to suck. Every time. But that's okay! The whole point of karaoke is that anyone can do it. You say you're going to be awesome? I really don't care. It's karaoke!"


Amen Brother! This must be a universal experience for KJs!  I have never heard someone with an awesome voice tell me ahead of time that they will rock. Never.

When I get someone tell me they are great, it's usually instead of giving me a bribe. "My girlfriend wants to hear me sing. She is h-o-t-t hot. You won't regret letting me sing. People will love it!"

I'm sorry, dude. You're missing the point of karaoke. There are 417 people who came here so that they can get on stage. If they wanted to go to a concert, they would have gone to the Morrison / Joplin / Hendrix concert next door. I understand Ray Charles will be on keyboard.


"People rarely buy me drinks. They just don't think of it, I guess." 

Yeah, same here in Milwaukee. Every once in a while, I get an older guy offering me a drink. Or a younger guy will just hand me a shot without asking. But, I make it a point to not drink when I am KJing. Just me. Professional. And by the way, almost every bar I have worked at offers free drinks to the entertainment.


Someone keeps a long list. It's a list of songs that you should never sing at karaoke. They're musical atrocities or uncreative lay-ups. "Don't Stop Believin'." "Sweet Caroline." "Livin' on a Prayer." "Bohemian Rhapsody."

That someone is me! Here's the list. I surveyed 19 websites that had lists of bad karaoke to compile my list. Here are the rankings for the four songs:
      Don't Stop Believin' is #15.
      Sweet Caroline is #19.
      Livin' on a Prayer is way down at #116
      Bohemian Rhapsody is #14.

Three songs I never want to hear again: 'Piano Man'. 'Wannabe'. 'Baby Got Back'.

Piano Man is #37, and Baby Got Back makes a good showing at #13. Wannabe is just a wannabe. Surprisingly, it did not make it on my list of 184 songs.

I don't want to come off as an expert or anything here. All I have is 32 hours of laborious scientific research behind my list. But Mark, you might want to start hating Paradise by the Dashboard Light. I'm just saying.

The article ends with a fabulous quote that, as far as I'm concerned, sums up the whole meaning of karaoke:

"The best karaoke singers are the ones who get up there and do it like they mean it. They have fun with it, and everybody in the bar has more fun because of that. I don't care what your voice sounds like, just let us hear you!"

Thank you, Mark!